Teletext art of blue cat playing with red hat on yellow background
Teletext art of blue cat turned away from an empty white plate on cyan background

Milo was a cat
Who got so very fat
That the vet would say
“Only one meal a day”
Which is why he ate my hat.

When Milo lost some weight
He slipped out through the gate
But I had a hunch
He’d be back by lunch
To steal it from my plate.

Gingerbread House

I wish I lived in a gingerbread house,
With sweets for the windows and door,
Then if I got hungry in the night
I could just eat my bedroom floor.

And if I lived in a gingerbread house,
With gingerbread carpets and stairs,
I’d need nothing more than a piping bag
Whenever it needed repairs.


When things seem rather out of hand,
For me, I’m in a wonderland,
Your clothes are lying in a heap,
But really that’s just Bo Peep’s sheep,
The cornflakes spilled around the house,
Is food set out for a cartoon mouse,
And when I jump upon the bed,
It’s a bouncy castle in my head,
So don’t get cross, don’t get mad,
Just think of all the fun I’ve had.

The Babysitter

When mum goes out
A girl comes round,
She seems to be quite old.

She wears a top
With strappy sleeves,
A wonder she’s not cold.

She’s on the phone
Like all the time,
Her Instagram is scrolled.

But that’s okay,
It’s easier
To keep my charge controlled.

I Don’t Want to Get Up

I don’t want to get up,
It’s warm in my bed,
And besides which,
There are dreams in my head.

I don’t want to get up,
I can’t find my clothes,
Only ripped trousers,
And I’m not wearing those.

I don’t want to get up,
There’s nothing to eat,
The dog ate my cornflakes,
Instead of his meat.

I don’t want to get up,
I can’t go to school,
There’s a very good reason,
I’ll think of it soon.